


Can You See Me Now?

by Blueberrybelle



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Grief/Mourning, Growing Up, I think there is like one swear word so..., Mentions of drugs, Mentions of underaged drinking, POV Emma, Past Character Death, Post-Battle, Video, idrk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-10
Updated: 2020-11-10
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:47:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,446
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27448837
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blueberrybelle/pseuds/Blueberrybelle
Summary: “I really really miss you.”Her eyes seem to get even shiner as unshed tears collect in her eyes.A tiny and hesitant hand brushes away the tears.“Daddy says you’re safe now.”Her face lights up.“He says you are in a beautiful place called heaven.”Her hand grabs a piece of hair and twirls it around her finger.“What is it like there?”“I miss your hugs.”“I hope wherever you are it feels like home.”
Relationships: Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir & Emma Agreste, Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir/Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug, Emma Agreste & Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug, Emma Agreste/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 37





	Can You See Me Now?

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! Happy you are here! :)  
> Idrk what to say so here is "Can You See Me Now?":

* * *

_ April 23rd, 2020, 1 year after _

The camera points to the sky, the sun is setting and the world is engulfed in oranges that bleed into reds that turn pink where the sun meets the ground. The soft pink clouds are draped over the land like a blanket, and the birds fly joyfully. 

“Hello, Mommy!” 

A small girl with black hair that simmers blue with the sunlight peeking through the Earth says. Her ocean-blue eyes sparkle with what could only be described as child innocents. She is sitting on the ground with a denim jacket and a colorful dress. Her face shows a large grin and she is chewing on her hair. 

“It’s been a year.” 

“I am four years old!”

The girl shifts her weight so now she is laying down on the pavement with her arms supporting her head while her feet swing behind her in the air. 

“I really really miss you.” 

Her eyes seem to get even shiner as unshed tears collect in her eyes.

“Everyone misses you, but I miss you the most.”

A tiny and hesitant hand brushes away the tears.

“Daddy says you’re safe now.”

Her face lights up. 

“He says you are in a beautiful place called heaven.”

Her hand grabs a piece of hair and twirls it around her finger.

“What is it like there?”

“Are there unicorns and kittens?”

A finger tapped her chin.

“Ooo! Or maybe lots of giant stuffy bears like the one you gave me after I got sick.”

Her hands move around wildly as she expresses her thoughts.

“Maybe a chocolate house that has a lollipop chimney.”

“Or a jelly bean doorknob.”

“I hope it’s pretty there.”

“Maybe a pink waterfall! You always say that you like pink.”

“I like waterfalls. The water makes me feel calm. Like how I felt when you used to hug me.”

The girl’s hands suddenly stop. And her face falls. Her eyes lose their sparkle, and her mouth moves to a tiny ‘o’ shape. She looks at the ground as her hand starts tracing shapes and patterns on the cement. 

“I miss your hugs.”

The girl says softly. The sun is just barely peeking out now, and the sky is noticeably darker. The purples and reds are still there, just muted. There are a couple of white glimmering specks in the sky as the first stars make their appearance. A breeze is heard and the trees in the background sway. The girl pulled her jacket closer and cuddled into it.

“Daddy says you made me this.”

She turns the sleeves to face the camera. On one side is a sewn-on patch that has a sunflower on it with the words “I’ll come back to you” written in the center. On the other side, there is embroidered writing of “Don’t forget me” with cherry blossoms up the sleeve from the wrist to the shoulder. 

“I never got to say thank you. I hope now is ok.”

The girl crossed her arms back over her chest.

“Daddy won’t tell me what the words mean, but it still feels like you.”

“Like home.”

“I hope wherever you are it feels like home.”

The girl takes a viable deep breath to calm herself.

“We had your dinner tonight, the one that you always made on Fridays when we would go on nighttime walks.”

The girl shows a soft smile and her eyes shine again.

“And I ate it all up!”

The girl’s face shows the pride she has over remembered her mother. Her little fist goes into the air and her chest puffs out a little bit. 

“Even though I don’t like the carrots Daddy makes them the wrong way but he won’t listen to me.”

A soft giggle is heard. The girl’s face is happy again.

“I learned how to bake your cookies over the summer.”

“And Daddy even lets me frost them!”

The girl’s face is still grinning and her eyes sparkle in the moonlight. 

“Can you see me?”

Her face flashes a new emotion, not sadness but a sort of fondness takes over her features.

“I miss you, Mommy.”

The girl faces the camera up to the sky, stars of different sizes seem to get brighter and the sky is a variant of colors containing purples and blues tonight. 

“Can you wave for me?”

A male voice is heard in the background and an opening of a door.

“Oh, I got to go night night! See you later Mommy!”

The camera flashes back to the girl as she waves at the camera and flashes a big toothy grin. She blows a kiss then the video ends. 

\----------

_ July 8th, 2025, 5 years after _

The camera shows a room that has a soft color scheme. The same little girl walks out of the closet and sits on the bed. Her legs are in criss-cross applesauce and her hair is in a french braid.

“It’s been 5 years Momma.”

The girl grabs the end of her braid and twirls it around her finger. 

“I am in fourth grade now. And I am 9.”

A bittersweet chuckle escapes the young girl’s lips. Her eyes dart up to the ceiling and she takes a couple of deep breaths. Her voice is a little shaky and sounds like she had been crying before. 

“I really like to write.”

She looks back to the camera and her eyes that have a red hue due to crying get an excited twinkle.

“I have made many poems for you and Daddy.”

She gets up and grabs a piece of paper from behind the camera.

“I want to make a poem about my life.”

She flashes a smile and starts reading the poem.”

_ “When I was young, it seemed that life was so wonderful _

_ A miracle, oh it was beautiful, magical _

_ And all the birds in the trees, well they'd be singing so happily _

_ Oh joyfully, playfully watching me” _

“I think I will add to it every time I move up school levels.”

She lets her eyes drop down to her lap.

“But, math is hard.”

Her finger rubs her ear.

“I’m not good at math.”

She looks back up to the camera and smiles.

“But on the bad days, Daddy lets me sleep in one of your t-shirts.”

Her eyes gain their twinkle back.

“I think it still smells like you.”

Her hands across her chest and rub up and down her arms in a slow soothing manner.

“It helps with the night spookys.”

She looks back at the camera and hugs herself.

“Sometimes when I wear it, I don’t need to sleep with the light on. Because I know you will protect me.”

She smiles again but it does not reach her eyes. A bittersweet expression takes place.

“I try not to cry Momma I really do.”

She sniffles and her hand wipes her eyes.

“But it still hurts.”

Her voice cracks at the end and you can hear the sheer emotion that her voice shows. She lets out a deep breath and shifts her face to the ceiling. She sits like that for a while, her body visibly shaking as she tries to steady her breathing.

“I really miss you, Momma.”

She looks back down to the camera with tears streaming down her cheeks and red eyes. And yet she still has a smile on her face. 

“Can you see me?”

She put her head in her hands.

“Am I making you proud?”

Her body starts shaking.

“Do you even love me?”

Her voice breaks off at the end before her whole body erupts into violent shaking. Her sobs echo around the room and pull on your heartstrings. The video just keeps playing as the young girl breaks into heat shattering screams that send shivers down anyone’s fingers. She hiccups and takes shaky breaths that shake her whole body. After a few seconds, her eyes start to close and her screaming dies down. She hugs a giant stuffed bear and shoves her face into it. The camera still picks up her gasping breaths and her silent sobbing is still visible. Her eyes are finally closed all the way and she turns to the camera. Her whole face is wet and red from her tears and the irritation of her constantly wiping them off. Her mouth is closed tightly and she looks scared. 

After a few moments a tiny whimper escapes her cracked lips and her eyes are squeezed shut. Her body starts flailing around and kicking the blankets off the bed. Then a heart-piercing scream is heard and footsteps from the right side of the screen. A male with blonde hair enters the room and shuts off the camera after cursing.

That camera picked up the first time she had ever cried herself to sleep.

\---------- 

_ September 18th, 2034, 9 years after _

The camera shows a wall. It is painted in a soft yellow color and has a calendar hanging on it. A teenager’s legs are seen before she sits down on the ground. It is the same girl from before but older and more mature. She is in a grey sweatshirt with a messy bun and black leggings. Her mascara is smudged and her eyes glisten in the room light. 

“Hi, mom.”

She gives a small wave. And puts her arm over her eyes as she looks up to the ceiling.

“I don’t even know why I’m doing this.”

A pause.

“I guess I just wanted a break from everything.”

She looks back down and gives a sad smile. Her gaze shifts to the left and her eyes are unfocused. 

“I’m just so tired.”

“I just want a break from feeling lonely. Needed someone to talk to.”

She looks back at the camera with a soft smile.

“I guess I should start with the basics. I am in 8th grade now, I’m 13 years old and I still like to write. I ventured into songwriting for a while but then I lost inspiration.”

She gets up and grabs a paper off-screen.

“It’s not much this time but I still kinda like it.”

She smiles sadly and reads off the paper. A single teardrop travels down the side of her cheek and onto the paper.

_ “But then they send me away to teach me how to be sensible _

_ Logical, oh responsible, practical” _

She looks at her fingers.

“Dad gave me his ring. As a reminder of the good times, but all I can think about is your death.” 

She shrugs.

“I guess that’s just another reminder of how broken and different I am.”

She lets out a harsh and bittersweet laugh. 

“Dad doesn’t understand.”

Her gaze drops down to her lap again.

“I moved to a new school. After all the nightmares we used to get never stopped, dad thought it would be for the best.”

She brings her knees up.

“People don’t like me.”

“I’m the weird transfer student who can’t speak.”

She puts her forehead down on her knees.

“No one would talk to me. And I never talked to anyone because I was afraid of messing up. I didn’t want them to hate me. What if I said the wrong thing, or insulted someone. Everyone there had known each other for years and I came in and they don’t know me. I’m just some lonely stranger in a sea of life long friends. I can’t just start a conversation with them. That’s not how it works. But Dad is always pushing me to say ‘hi’ to someone, but I can’t. I’m  **scared** to. Why can’t he see that? I get stressed whenever I walk into the cafe because I don’t know where to sit. But it’s not about the stupid seats. I couldn’t care less about the seats. It's the fact that I have been at this school for 3 years and I still don’t feel at home. I don’t feel comfortable there. I can’t show my real self because what would they say? My life consists of wake up, school, homework, dinner, then sleep, just to wake up the next day and do it all over again. My life is boring.”

She looks up from the camera with tears running down her face. She had been silently crying the whole time.

“But then I feel bad for complaining about my life because there are much worse scenarios I could be in. I don’t have it bad enough to bitch and moan about some petty middle school drama. And then I think of you.”

She pauses to wipe her tears away. Her sweatshirt sleeves are damp.

“You’re never going to show the world your talent. You are never going to have the joy of making your first dollar from your business. You’re never going to walk out and see everyone wearing your designs. You’re never going to see your husband again or your child. You’re never going to see the sunset or hear the birds chirp again. You’re never going to sit on a chair and read your favorite book while you watch the rainfall from the sky. The fireplace will never be keeping you warm, and you won’t be smelling your famous hot chocolate as it cools off.”

“You’re gone.” 

“Like really gone.”

“You’re not coming back.” 

“I’ll never see you again!”

She lets out a small sob.

“I miss you, mom.”

She pauses and looks up at the ceiling again.

“I got my period last week.”

“Dad freaked out more than I did”

She brings her face back down and lets out a small laugh.

“There was a lot of laundry that night.”

Her eyes got a twinkle in them again.

“I got lots of makeup for my birthday, now I can draw on my face without getting in trouble.”

She places a finger on her lips.

“Oh, and I started gymnastic classes when I was 10 and now I can compete at the high school level.”

She gave a big grin to the camera. 

“Getting my back tuck was one of my greatest accomplishments last year.”

“Dad can’t watch me practice without throwing up.” But he loves watching my competitions, even when I fall.”

A serious look crossed over her face. 

“Can you see me?”

“I mean did you celebrate my highs and lows this year or are you tired of me and my complaining?”

She drops her head back down. 

“I just wish that there was another girl I could talk to.”

“Dad is great, but he just doesn’t understand my issues.”

She looks back at the camera.

“I wish I could meet you. Even if I am not good enough.”

“You died a hero. Literally. Ladybug always saves the day after all. You freed Paris from a monster. And what have I done?”

She smiles again but it does not reach her eyes.

“I miss you, mom.”

“I really really do.”

“It still hurts though. People say it gets better but when? I have been waiting for 9 years. And it still hurts just the same.”

Her eyes are teary now and she smiles. 

“Have a goodnight mom.”

The camera is turned off.

\---------- 

_ June 6th, 2038, 13 years after _

A camera turns on and the same girl from before is on screen and she's smiling. 

Except her eyes were dull. You could see the battle going on in her mind that everyone experiences when they have grief. Anger and sadness. The anger was telling her to be mad at her mother because she got to leave the world before the storm came. She was mad, but not at her mother just at the unfairness of life. And the sadness told her that she needed to honor her mother’s death by remembering and sharing emotions. However, you could tell the girl wanted the constant battle to just stop. That was why she looked so tired. She was lonely. She wanted to be free from the constant reminder of her emotional battle. And she wanted to be free from the chaos that she got herself evolved in as an attempt to be happy again.

She just wanted to be happy.

You could tell by the black bags under her eyes that she was tired.

Not physically but emotionally.

She had been dealing with this grief for what? 13 years? 

“I still continued my poem.”

The girl sadly stated as she closed her eyes.

_ “I said, watch what you say or they'll be calling you a radical _

_ Liberal, oh fanatical, criminal” _

She simply shrugged. But the action was hesitant and you could tell that it was a lie. She was not proud of herself but she did not know how to get out of the situation.

“Although I do have one more question that you never did answer.”

“Well actually the way I turned out did answer it, but oh well tradition is tradition.”

Her tired eyes flicked up to the camera lens and she closed her eyes as she took a deep breath.

“Can you see me?”

Her eyes open and she gives the camera a real smile.

“And if you can, I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry for ruining my life.”

“And I’m sorry that I was never good enough for you.”

“I miss you, Marinette.”

The video counties for another minute, the young adult is still laying down on her sheets that have become damp from the tears dripping off her face. Shifting is heard as the girl grabs a familiar bear and hugs it tight. There is a silent moment in which both the viewer and the girl are in a state of vulnerability where they are both looking at each other thinking about life and the complications of life that drive people to insanity. The moment is physically short but mentally draining as you can see the girl in the video thinking over her whole life and regret showing on her face. 

Maybe regretting bad decisions. 

Or maybe just the regret of not recording more videos.

Or just the regret of wanting to be an innocent child again.

“I miss the old days.”

It comes out as a soft whisper rather than a statement but one could hear the pain that is in that sentence and anyone would remember a time in their life where they just wanted the stress and just expectations of an adult to end and just be a child again.

Someone who could run around in the grass and get dirty without a care in the world.

Someone who had time to just sit down and bake 3 batches of cookies.

Someone who would do headstands while watching T.V before daycare.

Someone who could sing words to a song they did not know and not care that everyone was watching.

Someone who could just jump into a puddle and think it was the coolest thing in the world.

Someone who was loved by everyone.

Someone who could come home from a fun day at school and jump into a pile of stuffed animals and fall asleep on the spot.

Someone who could ask questions.

Someone who was generally curious about the world.

Someone who used to count their toes every day to make sure that none of them would “fall off.”

Someone who thought that the answer to everything was a smile and some silly remark about old uncle Joe.

Someone who’s eyes still had their sparkle to them; their innocents.

Someone who could figure out a way to get on top of the fridge but be scared to look down.

Someone who could just roll around on the ground laughing for no reason except for being happy.

Someone who everyone had, but lost.

Life does that.

You find out the truth, and sometimes you're happy. But other times you just want to go back to the simpler times.

Growing up means being a little bit sad all of the time.

But why?

Why can’t we just go back to life before?

Everyone always says life is hard.

But we are the thing that makes life difficult.

So why?

After a second longer a scream is heard. A loud scream from the depths of the girl’s chest. Then a relieved sigh is heard as the girl just needed to get that off of her chest.

Then the camera shuts off and the screen is filled with darkness. 

\---------- 

_ May 25th 2045, 20 years after _

The camera opens to a view of a well-kept kitchen. The walls are a calming light blue and the light is pouring in from the windows.

The same girl walks into the room, her hair is in a messy bun and she is wearing a yellow sunflower shirt and some jeans.

“Hey, mother.”

The girl sits down at a barstool and lets out a long sigh.

“It’s been 20 years.” 

She puts one arm across the table and the other one props her head up. A soft yet notably tired giggle is let out of the girl’s lips.

“I’m 24 now.”

She smiles at the camera.

“It’s been a wild ride.”

A chuckle is heard.

“I went back to school. Graduated from high school.”

She puts her arms down but then reaches up to rub her ear.

“I made the Honor Roll.”

Tears collect in her eyes.

“I started college 3 years ago.”

A water smile is flashed.

“I finally turned my life around after the girl I was dating died. We were drinking and driving while also doing drugs. A guy we were with crashed the car into the car in front of us and Milly died. We got sued and put in jail because of underage drinking and drug abuse.”

She closes her eyes and silent tears stream out. She mouths “god, I was really stupid.” She opens her eyes after a deep breath. 

“I had a lot of time to myself to think then.”

“Father tried to talk to me but I was angry.”

She pauses to take another shaky breath.

“I did a lot of things that I am not proud of, but I’m being a better person by not dwelling on trying to change what could have been and just focusing on me.”

Her eyes unfocus and her gaze shifts to the side.

“I went to rehabs after I was released, and there I met Ashlynn. I was dropped into a dark and scary cave and Ashlynn was my flashlight; my beacon of hope, my saving grace.”

She turns back to the camera and gives a soft smile.

“We got better together, and she was the one who pushed me to try again.”

“She gave me a purpose again.”

“We went through lows and highs together, but it was always that. Together. We always knew that to be better tomorrow we had to focus on today.”

“I joined the college gymnastics team.”

She chuckles.

“Can you see me flipping again?”

She closed her eyes and a soft smile overtook her face. A shaky breath is heard. 

“I started thinking about jobs.”

She opens her eyes.

“Do you think I could be a doctor?”

Her gaze flashes downward to her finger where a small silver band lays. She starts twisting it with her other hand.

“I wish you could have been with me to walk me down the aisle.”

“I try not to be sad.”

Her gaze flashes to the camera again.

“But it hurts.”

She takes a deep breath, closes her eyes, and faces the ceiling.

“I hope you know that you are my hero.”

Her voice breaks at the end and you can hear the tears in her voice.

“I hope you’re proud of me.”

Her eyes are still closed but her face comes to meet the camera.

“I love you so much.”

“Can you see me now?”

Her eyes are still closed but there is a peaceful smile that has never been seen on her before as she answers the question in her head. 

She finally accepted it.

It’s still going to hurt at times, but now she knows the difference between remembering and embracing. 

A door is heard opening and closing and two new voices are heard, and one is noticeably younger. The younger one walks with a bounce in their step and a large innocent smile on her face. 

“Mommy!”

The girl in the frame turns around just in time to catch the child that flung themselves into her arms. The trust of a child.

“Hi, gumdrop.”

The older woman boops the little girl on the nose. And a giggle echoes throughout the house.

“Emma? What are you doing?”

An older female voice asks. The girl from before looks up as lips connect with her forehead.

“Nothing much, just getting some clarity.”

The girl turns back to the camera.

“Mother I would like to introduce you to my wonderful daughter and wife.”

The little girl turns to the camera and gives a little wave. Her hair is a light brown color that is in messy waves and falls a little past her shoulders. Her eyes are golden brown and her features are soft. She is wearing a colorful shirt and some jeans paired with a very familiar jean jacket with a sunflower barely visible on the sleeve. And in her left hand, there is the very same bear that had been on the journey since the beginning.

The older girl has red straight hair that falls to her shoulders and piercing blue eyes. She smiles at the camera and then picks up the child and bounces her in her arms. The child giggles and it sounds like bells are ringing. 

The family looks happy. 

“May-ray wanna say hi to your grandmother?”

The child’s eyes grow larger and her face erupts into a smile.

“Howdy hey, I’m Ray!”

She gives a wave. And the two adults laugh.

They look so relaxed. 

They look free.

“Anyway it’s late I’m going to go read to Mae-Mae and fingers crossed she’ll go to bed before I do.”

The other adult waves and then heads off-screen.

“My found family.”

Emma looks fondly after her wife as she sighs and then turns back to the camera. 

“They saved me.”

She pauses and takes some deep breaths. She then picks up a paper and reads it out loud.

“ _ And they showed me a world where I could be so dependable _

_ Oh clinical, oh intellectual, cynical.” _

She looks back to where the woman and the child walked off and smiles as she says the last line. Emma’s eyes twinkle in the moonlight that is escaping from the windows. And her face just glows with happiness and pride. 

_ “When I was young, it seemed that life was so wonderful.” _

* * *

**Author's Note:**

> **The italics are parts of "The Logical Song" by Supertramp.  
> Thanks so much for reading! Let me know what you think of it! Love you all <3


End file.
